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Outtakes #5: Crash Course Astronomy


[music] The universe will be dark — dark to human eyes, at least assuming we have eyes in a trillion years or we’re even around that long. Wow, that– yeah.
OFF-SCREEN: Yeah. I was trying to be a little more jocular. [intro] OFF-SCREEN: I am rolling. Are you? Are you? Are you hating? OFF-SCREEN: They see me rolling… OFF-SCREEN: Last episode! Ahhhh! Don’t have to work with these dorks anymore! OFF-SCREEN: I do. OFF-SCREEN: Sorry! That meant the gravity of the galaxies was constant throughout the disk. Reclibacell– clibasal. Clebicafal. I don’t know how to pronounce his name either. This is great. I don’t mention– Nil– Jill Tartar in this.
That’s too bad. That’s okay. That’s okay. OFF-SCREEN: You promised we would get to her later! I said I’d get to THAT later. I was careful about that, actually. Yeah, that works. I’m a writer. I write stuff. Sometimes I write stuff while I’m sitting here. I didn’t actually write anything, I just changed words. I said stuff. I’m a saider. In 1973, Olsen and Clebisadal went public, publishing a dater– uh, publishing a dater. Dating a publisher. Physicist Steven– ha, physicists, physic– physicists [mumbles] Physicist Steven Hawking worked out the math of black holes, combined with quantum mechanics, and discovered that, under some circumstances– Good, I get to say this again. Dance, dance. Pump up the volume. Chick-a-bow. Wa-wow-wow. A-B-C-D-E-F-G-R-Bs. So the folks at SETI scanned the skies at various radio wavelengths, hoping– hopening. When the universe got its start, it was unfathomably– fruh-fathomably… It’s a good word.
Just hard to pronounce. This then tells you how fast the universe is expanding– how fast the universe is expanding… How slow? How slow? And the answer is yes! Well, eh. And getting here is a huge pain in the butt, or whatever aliens use to excrete waste matter. It’s the last episode, I can get a little blue. Astronomy after dark. Oh, wait. So if you see one star in a globular that’s twice as bright as another, it– OFF-SCREEN: Do we have an astronomer down? Oh, no! By radiating away gravitational waves– The gravitational waves! The glaven– the gravitational waves! And with the discovery of dark matter, that meant the universe should be slowing down– Shlowing down. GRBs are dangerous for much– GRBs are dangerous, GRBs are dangerous, GRBs are, are, are… GRBs are A-B-C-D-E-F-G. OFF-SCREEN: Lookin’ angry, Phil. As telescopes got better, very tiny ation– uh, very tiny ations… The most violent and energetic explosions the universe is capable– OFF-SCREEN: You said “like” instead of “light”. I did not. OFF-SCREEN: Yeah, you did. You’re a liar. Liars gonna lie. Heat them more, and even protons and neutrons will collide hard enough to shatter into their constituent subatomic particles. And to all of you, who have watched Crass Coursh Astronomy– All I have to do is thank people. [laughter] And to all of you, who have watched Crash Course Astronomy, don’t forget to be awesome. OFF-SCREEN: Woo!

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