Julien Blanc & Teal Swan Teach You How To Find The Feel-Good That’s Already In You

– This is Julien, and I’m
here with Teal Swan, and if you don’t know who she is, I’ll just put a link to your
YouTube channel here below. I first found out about you actually a year or two ago, with
that video actually like emotional vampires. And I just absolutely loved it, and what I really, really
loved about your work is just the detailed
explanation of these kind of you know from an
outsider’s perspective like woo woo-y type of concepts
or stuff that people don’t really, you know, are aware of. And you just break them
down very straight line, straightforward it’s like
there’s this, this, this, and the detail was just,
you know, amazing, so. I absolutely loved it and then just watched a ton of videos after that. And also just the general
presence that you have in your videos. You know it’s like, you know
if you’re watching this, go check out one of her videos
like the presence just being very still like you can tell you’ve done a lot of work on yourself. – Yes. – So thank you for doing this video. And yeah I mean what I thought
we could talk about here is kind of explore you know like seeking happiness externally and the big trap of kind of that angle there. And this is something
I’ve personally noticed you know I’ve been teaching dating advice for men for years now. And a lot of people that I’ve worked with come in to this and they want
to be successful with women. They either want a lot
of women or a girlfriend or a match and they’re kind of coming at this from this angle
of being very incomplete. And seeking happiness through
those external things. So it’s like if I finally get
a girl I’ll feel complete. If I finally get a lot of girls
I’ll be able to look cool. My friends will approve of me. If they love me then it’ll
allow me to love myself. And they really come at this again, there was that video you made
on like emotional vampires where you just kinda see
the without criticizing like this black hole in their eyes, and just like leeching, leeching. And obviously it never works. And what they have to realize
and that’s like the first step is stop seeking happiness externally. Become internally fulfilled from there and then you can find a match
on a normal, healthy level. So if we could kind of dive
into that, that’d be awesome. – Okay well first we have
to acknowledge the fact that this whole idea of finding
happiness internally is highly theoretical. What I mean by theoretical is it works, it’s a universal truth, but when you come up to somebody
who’s in a space where they are trying to find
happiness extnerally and you say find it internally, you basically just told
them to go find a unicorn. – (laughs) True. – Cause they’re like well
okay great well I don’t know how to do that cause it
doesn’t exist within me. So what I would say is actually quite interesting
it’s that you have to go into whatever it is you’re
trying to escape from. So if you’ve got a state
of trying to get something externally because you want completion, there’s a state of emptiness within. – Yes.
– So the emptiness is where we have to go. So this is the time period in our life and it’s the spiritual
deepening that’s the result of us being willing to instead
of go chase something which is trying to get us
away from something else, which is really the
condition of the world, we go in the direction
of what we’re trying to get away from, so it’s straight
into the eye of the storm. So the way to imagine this
I think for people mentally, is to imagine that in their
life all of their movements towards what they want,
is essentially a movement to get away from a cyclone
that’s following them. So imagine that tornado chasing you. And for, whoever you are, that tornado could be a different thing. So for one person it could be emptiness. For one person it could be a sense of lack of self-worth. For another person it could
be a sense of failure. And that cyclone essentially
chases you everywhere and it inspires expansion. So when you feel that cyclone, you’re basically saying okay
I’m going away from that towards what I want. But a lot of the painful
conditions on this earth is the fact that when you keep
going for that, it’s always because you’re trying to
get away from something. And that is inherently a state of pain. So, what we have to be willing to do and trust me you’ll get to
the point, everyone will, where they get into their
life enough, trying to find the things that they think
will make them happy, doesn’t work. Where they’re just like
you know what screw it I’m never gonna be happy
and so it’s almost like I am sick of running from the cyclone. Fine, screw it, let it kill me. So once you get to that
point is when life starts to get really good
cause you basically turn in the opposite direction,
you walk straight into the eye of the storm basically. And then when you have
face down those particular energies, and by face down, that’s a fairly aggressive statement, it’s more like you’re learning
how to be fully present with those aspects of yourself. It’s almost like the
light of consciousness will burn off the storm. And so, you can imagine it
like fog instead of like a cyclone if you like
and you know how when sunlight hits that fog,
the fog dissipates. – Yes.
– So that’s what happens when you bring the light of consciousness into an aspect of your psyche
which one could consider an absence or a lack, of,
which is most of what’s motivating us to move forward. And so it’s divine presence, essentially. Which is just the energy
of your own consciousness that enables these aspects to not exist. And then, instantly, you
are fulfilled from within. And when you’re going to do things within where it’s not like then
you become this couch potato that doesn’t need anything,
doesn’t want anything. But your wanting does not
carry the suffering tone that it did once, because it’s not a compulsion
away from something. So it’s more like divine inspiration. It’s the difference between
escapism and inspiration. – Yeah, yeah, I love that, it’s. It’s the whole like you, you’re unhappy when
you don’t have it, too, just kinda building on this. And you’re unhappy when you get it. – Yep.
– And guys realize that like they actually get
it and they’re like well, I’m still, yeah, not fulfilled. And what I actually tell ’em to do is, follow the trail of why’s. So it’s like why exactly,
it’s like getting to that eye of the storm. So it’s like why exactly do you want this. – Yes.
– Oh, you know, I wanna be popular, why? – Yes.
– Why, why, why, why, why. – Yes.
– And then they get to it. And then yeah they really have to face it. And as you said they realize well, you know there is no point it’s like you’re kinda just there so now what? And yeah I love that too cause
then it’s not that neediness. It’s like you realize like. And this is my perspective like, there is no point to anything. So it’s like what would you
wanna do to just make this enjoyable, like it’s
coming from a place of just inspiration, expansion, you just wanting to do it just why not? Versus needing or trying to like take, it’s not a grasping feeling. So yeah, that’s really, really good. – I think that’s a beautiful
thing that you just said when you said that you encourage people to think about the world
as if there’s no point because we could make that
mean there’s no point, there’s no meaning to life,
there’s no reason to be here. Or we could make it mean,
if there’s no point, I get to add the point that I want to add. – Exactly, yeah I view it like detention. It’s like we’re all stuck here. And you know you can just check out early, you can slack off, you
can do whatever you want, and it’s like what will make this the most enjoyable experience. And at least my personal
point like boiling it down to it was expansion. That’d be the word. And expansion in every way be it say interacting with
different human beings, like on a micro level like expansion, in a relationship on a deeper level. Even making these videos
here like we both make them for me that’s expanding and sharing and. It’s helping people so it’s win-win, but even from a more selfish
perspective it’s like that’s the feeling that makes
you internally the happiest. – Oh yeah.
– So, yeah. Yeah it’s really good. The other one that too
that I really noticed is like victim mentality. Where you know it’s
like you come into this and you kind of feel like
cut off from everyone else like why is it so hard for me? Why is this happening to me? And once you’re caught in that spiral you just keep going down. And you try to numb it you know with like external stimulus,
be it like television, drinking, drugs, even sex in a way. And I’m curious about
your perspectives on that. Like what are your thoughts
on why that happens, or how someone could snap
out of that cycle there. – Well if you want, the
being only does things which benefits it. And this is one of the most
difficult part about healing any aspect of yourself is
you have to acknowledge that the things that are causing you pain are actually benefiting you in some way but it’s a highly subconscious way. So when we look at victim
mentality what we find is that the people who
succumb to it are addicted to the idea of goodness. So all that is is an ego that
wants to be good versus bad. It’s highly innocent, if
you want to know the truth. But by becoming a victim and by spiraling I get to be good so the ego’s
getting something out of it. So it doesn’t have much
motivation to change that, especially if you’re looking
at a person who deep down has this belief that there’s
something wrong with them or that they’re evil or inherently bad. That person will be a victim mentality for the rest of their life. Unless they change it. (both laugh) So we have to recognize within ourselves what it is that we’re doing
when we’re doing that. This is me trying to get my goodness. So how else could I get my goodness? I mean there’s really, that simple. How else could I feel
like I’m a good person than doing this thing where any, cause like if you’re in victim mentality then that essentially means
you have to have a bad guy. That’s the problem with the ego which is really inherently
feeds off of polarity but any time you’ve got
an ego that is feeding off of a polarity like goodness, it needs a bad guy to exist. And so that’s another way you
can get yourself out of it by realizing that if you’re stuck in that addiction to goodness by being a victim, you will be surrounded by
bad guys for your whole life because you need it for
your ego to exist, you know? – Yeah. – That gets a lot of women out of it. I think it could probably
get a lot of men out of it but a lot of women they do that, they keep getting in
relationships with the bad boys because it’s the only way for them to feel their own virtue. – Yeah, yeah. No that’s that victim one is huge. Another one too that I’d say
to kind of snap out of it is. I call like embracing being
part of a larger whole. Like one of the big things that
just keeps reinforcing this cycle of just kind of being repressed or trapped in yourself within yourself, like cutting off like
oh it’s so hard for me. It’s like you’re the hero of
this victim hero in a way. Is realizing that everyone is like you. You know it’s like we tend to take our insecurities, our wounds as
like these unique wounds. I’m just so special because of this, and you latch onto it. And there’s that saying like
the more personal the wound the more universal the wound. Once you realize like oh
my God like everyone else has this, and everyone’s dealing with the same type of issues I have. I’m no longer that special. And just knowing that,
that you’re not alone, and you’re not just cut off from the pack. For me at least that helps a lot. It’s like, oh, it’s like I’m
part of this larger thing and yeah it’s like unity over self. – I agree, so if then
we have to ask ourselves when we’re stuck in
that why only me thing, why do I need it to be only me? – That’s true, that’s very, very true. Yeah that and another
interesting too is just getting a like a bigger circle of concern. It’s like, it’s a very
petty like way of thinking like my problem, me, me, me, me, me. And just one way to snap out of it is like well how can I first of all
like say help someone else so then you get out of
your head or how can even in terms like something
you’re trying to accomplish like a certain goal. So not only your concerns are a lot bigger it’s like you don’t have time. It’s like you don’t have the luxury, cause really it’s like a luxury in a way to kind of slip into that little
petty state of mind there. – So would you suggest
random acts of kindness? – Yeah, obviously, yeah. Kindness for sure. Yeah for me it’s just like
getting out of your head. Like how can I help someone,
like random acts of kindness. Even in a how do I say this, in a more like material way it’s like what’s this person’s issue and like you kinda start dealing with that. However the trap there is too is to then kinda get caught up in that and
then you take on the role of oh look at me I’m helping everyone else. I’m just–
– Martyr. – The martyr, exactly, so. It’s a fine line between the two there. – The martyr is a victim role, yeah. – Yeah. Yeah no for me personally, I mean this, the whole like stop seeking, you know kind of linking to
victim but also back to the stop seeking happiness externally. I experienced it too where I mean I was recently in
like this media scandal. (Teal laughs) Before then, yeah, it was ridiculous. But before then I really
reached that point where cause I fell into it, just with women, then I got out of it
like okay I don’t need. You know it’s like, it’s
coming from a healthier place. Then I build upon that but it just keeps you know sneaking back. – Yeah. – And it subtly snuck back on me where before that I remember thinking like from my perspective I
thought I had it all. It’s like, here I am traveling, teaching this, doing what I love, et cetera, et cetera. But it came more of like this ego place and then I was thinking
like, well now what. And as soon as that thought popped in it’s like I knew it was
bad, it’s like now what. And the what I really
learned going through it all cause a lot of that was stripped away is I was pretty much left
with nothing but myself and then it was like a
lot of introspection. It’s like well, that
doesn’t bring happiness, like why can you feel happy now. And just kind of realizing that too like as soon as you
place your sense of worth on anything external, and this is my perspective, you’re bound to form a certain ego and just lose it at some point. Cause in like the physical
world it’s a duality all the time so even if
it does go well for a bit. You either latched onto it
and it’s bound to go down. So for me it was kind of like
this cleansing and just like (exhales) let go of all that. And on a more spiritual
level and just like come back to the center, core values, and getting back to
that sense of expansion and sharing in a way. – Yes.
– So yeah. That was very interesting. Yeah I was curious building
on that too it’s like what are some of the ways
you’d suggest going about for people watching
like you’d suggest about coming back to that center. Being in a way happy no
matter what your situation is just right now, like for someone
if they’re in a tough spot, what would you recommend to them. – Go into the pain. I mean it depends how low
of a vibration you’re in. It’s quite easy to go
into a state of gratitude. I mean that’s one of the best
things that people can do. It’s an impossibility to
be in victim mentality and to recognize positive aspects of your
life, appreciative notice. – What if someone says,
well there’s nothing. Absolutely–
– Then that’s the person that I would take into the pain. See that’s the people that I
like to work with, honestly. That’s my favorite demographic because when you’re at that type of a state, that means that your pain body
essentially has called you deeply back into it for
the sake of the deepening of your own spiritual practice. So that’s when we go
into the pain instead. – Nice. – How can you be present with it? And what you notice is, is you don’t really have to do much. It’s like I mean people
don’t understand what true presence is cause
we’re such a doing species. We don’t realize that by,
like let’s say you wake up and you’ve got an emotion,
a heavy emotion going on. Which is the case for most of
us that don’t enjoy life, so. You get that heavy emotion. You close your eyes and
you sink into the feeling. So instead of trying to
use that feeling to go eat Ho-Ho’s or whatever it is that you
do to escape from it, you sink deeply into it
as if it’s your teacher. The pain itself becomes the teacher. It’s a transformative experience. Pain transforms you, so as you’re present with it you
are essentially going into a state of allowing, that is deep enough, that it opens up the crown chakra. That’s what you watch with people. And then insight, intuition
will drop into being. And that’s when you get
those really good aha moments where it’s like, oh this
really doesn’t matter much. I can let go of it completely. Cause until then let go is yet again more theoretical spirituality, right? It’s just what people say, but how do you let go type of thing. – Yeah I like it too with
the going into the pain cause it gets rid of all
that resistance, too. – Yes. – Where it’s like, I just
don’t wanna feel pain, I don’t wanna feel pain,
and then you have it. And then it just keeps fueling
it so kind of embracing it. – That’s what we gotta realize. Like I don’t wanna have
it, I don’t wanna have it, but it’s there, so what
the hell is the point. Like even if you try to focus positively, you’re just gonna be
pulling against something. – Yeah. – So really what I like to teach people is the one two step. So the first step when we
are dealing with the unwanted or with anything painful is we become intensely present with it. As if it’s an alarm bell saying ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. We need to pay attention. So we become intensely
present with that and then that lifts the fog, something else comes
into our consciousness. So there were a great many
therapists way back when who believed that any time
you had those intense emotions or anxiety was something
in the subconscious mind wanting to surface to the consciousness. In the spiritual world we call that a phase of enlightenment. So if we treat pain that way and then you’ve got that aha
moment where the fog clears then that is the point in time to focus on creating something. And you’ll naturally start to feel that sort of sunlight
feeling of your own soul coming in and inspiring
you towards action. So that’s the point at which to focus on the life you wanna lead. But you’re doing it this time from a space of pure inspiration instead of from a space
of I want this thing because I so don’t want this other thing. – Yeah, yeah exactly. What would you recommend for someone to to keep themselves in
that headspace there? Where they kind of like clear
the fog as you mentioned, but then as they often notice like you easily snap back to
it cause you’re in a way addicted to it cause
you’ve been in that other, you’ve been in the fog for so long. Do you recommend like any daily rituals, daily practices, or? Just curious about your perspective on it. – I don’t really because the thing is that most of us we wanna get into
these high vibrational spaces or stay there because we’re so resistant to the lower vibrational spaces. So what you find when you
talk to people who are what we would consider to be awakened is that they have no
resistance to feeling anything including pain. And it’s that lack of resistance to it that creates a condition where you’re not really sinking as high or as low. So to begin with before you reach this like beautiful kind of
transformative stasis. Eh, stasis is the wrong word
cause it implies non-movement but you achieve a kind of
transcendence, you could say, over the ups and downs,
so that you literally intensely let yourself go into it. I mean I really, it would
be a very rare person. If I shook their hand and they said, how do I stay in this good feeling space? And it wouldn’t be because they’re so, so resistant
to going down again. And that’s a guarantee
you’re going down again. So what I help people to do is to culture the willingness to feel. So like in, and this is a
big shift in consciousness when it comes to our
spiritual world especially, and self-help world which is most teachers, so far, they have been dedicated,
intensely dedicated, to the idea of feeling better. So we’re not trying to do that anymore. We’re trying to get better at feeling. So it’s almost like I feel pain, so it is. I feel joy, so it is. There’s a non-attachment
to the feeling itself. And that, just by virtue
of the non-attachment, you come into alignment
with your soul aspect, which is intensely in alignment. That’s those good feeling spaces, those, that inspiration, that
impulse essentially. that you wanna feel, that’s
what we all want, right. So, by developing
non-resistance to feeling, by becoming intensely
willing to feel even pain, you’re in a state of non-resistance. Then you’re in full
alignment of your soul. And then you’re in alignment. That’s what a person, I mean you can feel those types of people, you
sit down in front of them and you’re just like,
you know just by being around that energy it almost
calls you like a beacon back to yourself, bam, you know. – Yeah. Yeah that’s really, really deep. And it kind of also in a
way it’s like letting go of these like mythical realities like, you know I never wanna feel pain. I always wanna be in control. You know like people really
idealize that it’s like, they latch onto this reality of no pain or 100% control or of they always want to like
figure everything out. But once you can, as you said like, let go of that and just realize it’s okay. And in a way it’s natural. Then (exhales) you can
actually start relaxing. – Exactly and I like to ask
people relative to pain, what does pain mean to you? Cause what we have to realize is that it’s not pain itself that
we have an issue with. I mean pain in and of
itself is just a sensation. When we get into real trouble with pain is when we make it mean fill in the blank. – Yeah so you don’t fear the events, you fear the thoughts that
those like events provoke. Where like when your
pain it’s like (gasps) it’s actually the thoughts,
it’s not the actual feeling in and of itself. – Oh yeah. And we have got pain, especially
in the western culture, we have associated pain with
something that is wrong. And wrong and right is
an issue for us right because we get punishment reward
that’s how we were raised, punishment and reward so it’s almost like the minute I feel pain,
something’s gone wrong, there’s gonna be a punishment. And that’s really, that
cycle’s what’s got us all panicked about it. – Yeah. Yeah, yeah no that’s. I link that to, even if you know, from the dating aspect
like people fear in a way not having chemistry with
someone so intensely. Once you realize like, again, it’s like, it’s like those realities
like no pain or like zero rejection but once
they understand like you’re not naturally meant
to necessarily have like chemistry with everyone, that’s fine. They’re like, (sighs). Like in a way it’s just
taking away all this pressure. You just have to find a way to just like instead of barreling through to something, just (exhales) like peel
away all the layers. – And that’s really
profound what you just said because you just defined
exactly what I feel like spiritual practice is all about. It’s not about getting somewhere. It’s that you, innately,
in and of yourself are a completely in alignment being and there’s just a lot
of layers in between you and the actualization
or realization of that. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – So our job is not to
become something more. Our job is to realize
what we are, already. – Yeah it’s like aiming
for that finish line of being enlightened. It’s like, if I can just barrel
through and make it up there like that’s a lot of people. – I love to encourage
people that if they’re in that mode where they want to you know live the life of more joy rather than the rollercoaster so much that they need to take
a look at their life and actually start implementing steps which will allow them to do that. I like to encourage people to
pick one spiritual practice. Now I know that somebody who’s
been watching, you or me, we probably give out how many
tools per week it’s like. You end up with just a litany of them. And then it gets really super
overwhelming for people. And then they’re looking at all of them, all these tools and all these
techniques and they’re like I can’t apply all of these
at once, it’s not possible. So the message that I would
send is you don’t have to. The point is, you gotta find the one that resonates with you and stick to it. Practice it until it
becomes second nature. – Yeah. Yeah no that’s big too and I see it in all industries
it’s like you go down the like the theory junkie
route of it all too. It’s like you wanna do it right. Like that’s a big one
too is like people always wanna do it right and another, you know those realities you
have to kinda let go is like being so afraid of
starting off the wrong way and just like learning
through trial and error. So the way we cope that is you read the manual beforehand. Like in most things like
am I doing it right. Like even in terms of living my life, am I living it the right way? So you look up the manual and with these here it’s like the only way you can really learn
them is through practice, is through implementing them. And once you start reading
or watching all these videos, and you get caught in that cycle of hoping to reach that finish point of okay I got it now to do it right. One it’ll never happen and second you just get so overwhelmed cause you’re learning without applying. – I know don’t you wish they said to you, well we kinda knew that before coming in but it’s almost like, I wish that somebody was sitting there being like you know what you’re in uncharted territory. Nobody knows what this is about. So have fun trying to
figure it out. (laughs) – Yeah yeah, that’s the best frame. Yeah it’s like, have fun. Just have fun and just try and just enjoy the process of doing it, and another one too is this is a trap I noticed a
lot of my clients fall into is the just wanting to be inspired. And this is actually a trend even on most social media it’s like you, if you look say on Facebook, there’s a lot of people now posting these self-help pictures. Like you can do it, someone
climbing up a cliff. And that’s awesome cause it’s
bringing a lot more awareness. However the trap and pattern
I kinda see happening is people love it just for that feeling of oh that’s inspiring, oh that’s a good idea without actually applying it
or doing anything with it. And I mean it’s a lot better than you know watching say
television or something. It’s better than you know
listening to noise but. They’re missing that
essential piece it’s like just being inspired for
the sake of being inspired is you know worthless in a way, it’s like you have to implement it. Even if say someone watches
your videos and they’re like that’s a great idea. And then they go back to
their lives, it’s like it’s like you have to do it. It’s like the two
components go hand in hand. – I completely agree with you. I actually had a whole
talk about that a week ago. – Oh really? – Yes. – So yeah I mean we covered a lot of aspects here of victim mentality, you know seeking joy externally, some of the traps people
fall into when trying to learn this or achieve this state here. Before we wrap are there any last thoughts you’d wanna add onto it? Or any last words like a saying or– – You know I feel like one of the, I mean have fun with life. And if it’s not fun just
feel the not-funness. Because whatever is happening is correct. That’s what I would explain to somebody. We get into pain when we
think that what’s happening is not supposed to be happening. So if we approach life from the philosophy of whatever’s happening is
supposed to be happening that opens up a window. You can kinda feel the confines you know, I mean just let’s go
with just the sensation. When I think whatever’s
happening is not supposed to be happening it’s almost
like I’m trapped, right. The minute I think, okay, maybe this is supposed to be happening. It’s like somebody does open a door. So it’s almost like
breath enters the lungs and then at that particular
point you can look for the benefit of the situation. Why might this be happening. And I feel like that’s really
a critical space to be in because we’re walking through life trying to get everything correct. We already have a
preconceived notion about what correct means. And when life doesn’t go according to plan which is pretty much always then we’re in a state of hell, so. That would be my suggestion. (laughs) – Yeah I love that it’s like just embrace every experience, too, and there’s always a plus side and something you can learn from it and a way it’ll benefit you if you’re smart enough to see it. So it’s like finding that angle there. And with the have fun with life it’s like yeah, have fun with the
stuff that, you know from a, a conditioned standpoint
you could view as bad. It’s like have fun with it. So something’s bad, like have fun, embrace, embrace, embrace. And actually one last thing. What are your thoughts too, cause this is something I notice, is, and this could be a trap
if you’re in victim mentality, trying to help someone else,
is the comparison game. Where it’s like you’re
looking at someone else and you’re like, oh why do they have it way easier than me, why am I not like that. It’s like this wishing to
be someone that you’re not. If I boil it down to it it’s
like that’s really what it is. It’s like you don’t like yourself and it’s like wishing you’re
someone that you’re not. Just curious about your thoughts on that. – I have an interesting view on comparison thinking because I feel like it’s a really beneficial tool
to use sometimes deliberately. It’s when the tool
begins to use us that we fall into a seriously negative pattern. – So more so for inspiration purposes versus self-hate purposes. – Well I mean ironically
you can look at somebody who has it worse, and even though the ego
will get off on superiority in that particular circumstance, you can use it to make yourself
feel a little bit better. I mean that’s a tool. – True. – I know it seems sort
of funny for me to be explaining in that way. Another thing you could do, competition, healthy competition is
actually super, super good. To strive to match or excel
past the people who have made it for is what
creates a lot of expansion. So there’s a real healthy
form of competition as well. Bu when it gets into a state where we’re basically self-hating
through our comparison. That’s the point at which
there’s a serious issue that we’ve got going, obviously. Where we need to become
intensely conscious of why we’re doing it,
especially the positive reason behind doing that. – Yeah. – So like can you think of, I mean, I’d be curious, let’s,
cause you can put yourself probably in the mindset of a lot of men. If you were comparing yourself, let’s say you’ve got a guy, right. Let’s just pretend you’re
somebody who’s like got a Ferrari, or you’re around somebody, wanna be somebody who’s got a Ferrari who’s like multi-millionaire who’s got the super hot supermodel
girlfriend, right. – Yeah. – What’s the positive
reason why you might be telling yourself, I’m
crappy compared to him? – Well the plus side is
you could be inspired. But the first thing I would say is it’s not about looks or money and to really get out
of that paradigm there. – I know you’d say that. – Yeah, no cause. (laughs) No even from that perspective it’s like, no matter how, let’s just say
from a superficial standpoint, good-looking or how much money you have, there’s always gonna be,
there’s always a bigger fish. There’s always gonna be
someone better than you and it’s like this never-ending process. – Oh yeah so here’s the
thing, ready for this. What if that’s okay? When that causes us pain is when we think that that’s not okay. There will always be a bigger fish. So there’s two ways to
get out of it, right? The first way is the way
that you’ve been teaching which is basically you take a look at that and you realize how to
find the happiness within. The other way is to
become okay with the fact that it’s never gonna end. And if you become okay with
that then it literally, it actually causes that same sort of sense of relief where you’re
just like alright so it’s always gonna be the next thing, so getting to that thing
doesn’t mean as much but then you can always let yourself basically attain what
it is you wanna attain. Cause this is the reason
to do it that way. You can’t unwant something,
have you noticed that? – True. – You run into a lot
of problems with this. So like let’s say a guy
really does want that. Like we can examine all the
reasons that he does want that but he may still want it,
so if he wants it still then we’ve got a little issue because no amount of spiritual teaching
is gonna make him unwant it. He’s just gonna bury it
probably subconsciously. So it’s almost like you
gotta let them get it so that when they get to that thing they become even more intensely aware of what they really want. So a lot of people aren’t even
aware that they really want happiness or they really want fulfillment until they achieve those
things they think they want. – Yeah, yeah you have
to go through the cycle. Well actually what I’d
say is I agree with this and building on it even further it’s like accept that there’s a bigger fish. However, realize too that the only, what I will say it’s like
the only unique value you have to offer, cause that’s really the standpoint they come from it’s like oh I can offer her the
lifestyle, the money, the looks. (Teal laughs) The only value you really have to offer, as corny as it sounds,
is your own uniqueness. – But it’s true.
– It’s really what it is so. – That’s what you can’t get over when a relationship ends, right? Oh they used to like
oranges, too. (laughs) – I know it’s like it’s
that person’s uniqueness. And even on a more micro-level like people always want like the
pick-up lines let’s just say and the reason being is it’s the same as the Ferrari or the money it’s like they want the
more interesting line. When in reality, it’s not the line, it’s like you can go up and
say “hey how it’s going,” and most likely the other
person’s heard that before but she’s never heard your version of it. And it’s like your focus is on making that version the best
version she’s ever heard, and that’s your own value there. So in a way it’s coming
to terms with it and like letting go of that. Also realizing that attraction for a woman is very different than say for a man. It’s like for a man, we’re
basing it on visual cues, a lot of the time, women it’s more on behavioral cues. – Yup. – So maybe from a first
impression standpoint, you know she’ll get, oh okay
well that guy’s like this. But once they start interacting and she can see the behaviors behind it. She’s like oh and she’ll, you know, base that assumption on something real, and oftentimes change it, so. The Ferrari and the money don’t matter. It’s like it’s not an excuse what I say. And then yeah it’s just really
getting back to that core of like, offer the best
kind of uniqueness. And even linking back
to the other one, too. Cause I teach this you
know I’m like don’t do it for the validation. It’s like you’ve probably realized getting into this like,
a lot of guys just like, if I could only just
get one good reaction, and then they get it, and then they become numb to it. It’s like hey what’s the next
thing, the next thing, so. At some point it’s like
you get to that point, as you mentioned where it’s like, okay it’s never-ending. I’m here, I have it, and then you go back, but you have to go through
that to realize it. – Totally true. So let’s go to the positive reasons why somebody might be comparing themselves. And what I mean by positive reasons is it’ll seem real negative. So and I wanna make a
lot of men aware of this because they definitely do it. If you’re comparing yourself essentially to somebody else who’s succeeding and looking at your own failure, it actually gets you
out of responsibility. That’s what we have to understand. A lot of us want a release of pressure more so than we want to
take the responsibility for our own lives. So if you’re comparing
yourself next to somebody you’re convinced is gonna
be 10 times better than you, it lets you off the hook
because failure is like, it’s not as much
responsibility or pressure. – That’s true. Yeah, yeah, there was someone
else exactly like them doing it well it would like, you know shine that spotlight
on their shortcomings, like you should be doing it. You can’t have this excuse. And it in a way gives them
permission to do it too. This is why also a lot
of guys are held back from putting themselves out there is by societal norms
they’re not say good-looking or have a lot of money. They don’t see many other
guys like them doing it. And so it’s like well if
no one else is doing it I don’t have the permission to do it. So kind of snapping out of
that paradigm there as well. – I like that. (laughs) – Nice. Cool, I mean yeah, that was awesome, yeah, thanks for doing this call here. People are gonna love it. And yeah once again
I’ll put a link to your YouTube channel here below. And as always, until next time.

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